Explaining HOW I feel is often as hard as explaining WHY I feel that way. A lot of the time I just don’t know. Sometimes it just takes too much emotional energy to try to figure it out and I have to block it out. When I was a child, I’d dissolve into tears, apparently for no reason, often in a corner, trying not to bother anyone, not wanting to be noticed. Everyone said I was “sensitive.” They mostly said I was” too sensitive.” So as I grew, became a teen, I learned to hold it in. Instead of tears, I’d shut down, block the world out. And that’s when I became aware of depression.
This is a great blog post by Beautiful Random Dark Thoughts of a Female Aspie and describes those feelings exactly.
The trouble with autism/aspergers is that often we struggle to recognize emotions, often we outwardly display common signs, and will even wonder aloud, “why is everything so irritating? Why am I so on edge? I don’t know why I feel so irritable about everything, I can’t pinpoint a reason why, I have no patience for anything.” Not realizing the power of the emotional storm surging underneath. We become more aspie in a way, displaying flat emotional reactions, and even a perceived general disinterest in others, or even a feigned interest because that is all we ‘can’ do in that moment because anything else will send us over the edge. Stress, even over little things that may seem like nothing, is enough to shut us down completely. Verbally silent and unresponsive, it takes every effort just to mutter the words, “I can’t right now.” Feeling exhausted, yet charged with emotions, every…
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